The formula offered up in Naomi Aldorts book 'Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves' is called 'S.A.L.V.E.'. Is it a useful formula that all parents can use when interacting with their child. It is the formula parents can use to help their children heal whilst fostering closeness, touch the heart and open it and to empower the child.
"The S.A.L.V.E. formula can be a tool to help you in making the shift towards affirming your child's experiences so he can let emotions be and act authentically and powerfully." - pg 7
'SALVE' is an acronym and stands for the following:
S - 'Silent Self-talk. Seperate yourself from your child's behaviour and emotions with Silent Self-talk. (this is the hardest step and I will talk more about this later and how I manage this myself and ways that can help others manage this but Aldort explains that once you can do this step, the rest will flow easily...and trust me, it does!)
A- Attention on your child. When you have done 'Silent Self-talk, you can then focus your attention onto your child.
L- Listen. You can then truely listen to your child - truely hear them.
V- Validate. Validate your child's feelings and the needs they express. (more on this later as well!)
E- Empower. Help to empower your child by trusting them so that they can handle their own emotions. (more on this later as well!)
"The words we choose in our interactions with children have the power to heal or to hurt, to create distance or foster closeness, to shut down feelings or touch the heart and open it, to foster dependcy or to empower. " - pg 1
I'm really looking forward to stopping by here and finding out how you get on with concensual living.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I aim for in all of my communications but particularly those with my children is Non Violent Communication. I'm also a big fan of the 'common preference' as advocated by the Taking Children Seriously school of thought.
The trouble is these things can (in my experience) be very difficult to implement in reality as they can go so far against what you have grown up to know as the norm. I find myself having to stop and think about what I'm doing a lot and sometimes I feel like I'm learning a whole new language and way of being. It's very challenging and very rewarding I'd say. I think the key is to not beat yourself up when you get it wrong.